"Everyone Is Getting Laid Except For Me"

written by Spizatch

from the album Death Of The Salesmen (2006)
Track: 11

This is a song right here… about havin' the blues…

(verse 1)
Everyone is getting laid except for me
Everyone is getting laid that I can see
Everyone is laughing, cause I’m still a virgin at 23

Yeah everyone is getting laid except for me
W-w-w-w-well everyone is getting laid that I can see
Well at the rate I’m going, I’ll be a virgin at 43

(solo)

(verse 2)
Well I bought this Trojan prophylactic hoping I’d get laid
It’s been sitting in the back o’ my wallet since the 7th grade
I just hope I get to use it before I’m old and gray

I took a girl out once… yeah I took her to the mall
But when I tried to bring her back to my place, oh no-no-no-no-no-no-no, she told me “please do not call”
So baby I got the blues… and now so do my balls

Oh-ho-ho everyone is getting laid except for me
Everyone is getting laid that I can see
I probably won’t need to bother with Viagra when I turn 63

(solo)

(verse 3)
Well I don’t got a lotta money, and I don’t drive a fancy car
But you’d think being able to play the 12-bar blues now would get me pretty far
But the only action I’ve ever seen is on my guitar

Don’t care about your heartache or sadness, or if your relationship’s on the rocks
I don’t care if you’re dying of cancer or lupus or bird flu or hemorrhoids or smallpox or if you’ve been shot
Cause at least you’ve gotten laid at some point in your life, whereas I have not

Because everyone is getting laid and I don’t know why
That everyone is getting laid, but why can’t I?
Oh it seems at the rate I’m going, I’ll be a virgin when I die…

(solo)

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